I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
