I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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