the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
