i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
