No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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