I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
