Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
