cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
