My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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