I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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