I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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