I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
