I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
