I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize