we have officially lost it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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