I didn't shave. On purpose
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
