Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
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