I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
