But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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