opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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