my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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