Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
