i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I will be naked everywhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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