The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
