I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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