The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
