If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
birth control should be required to get into college
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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