oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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