I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
