im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
