Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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