It's like God shit irony all over that family
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
