If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
