Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
