He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
