what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
