This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
