as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
