My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize