Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I tried to use my car keys to open my door

(1-778): View more from British Columbia

I just started a sentence with yellow.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life

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(252): View more from North Carolina

I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.

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(503): View more from Oregon

we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.

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(706): View more from Georgia

So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.

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(303): View more from Colorado

a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????

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(615): View more from Tennessee

You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.

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