please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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