Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
