you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
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I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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