Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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