Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize