it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
