This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
