thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
