Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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