yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
