I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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