It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
