My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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