Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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