Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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