I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
