I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
