I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
