ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
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I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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