U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
