Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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