i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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