my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
